


The World Was On Fire

by itsallbachsfault



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Ficlet, Gen, M/M, Marauders, One Shot, Pre-Slash, Veritaserum, Wizarding Wars (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-28 03:13:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17174771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsallbachsfault/pseuds/itsallbachsfault
Summary: “Moony. I would kill for you.” And God, if hearing that didn't send shivers down his spine.There are a million and one angsty wolfstar fics that take place during the war, I know, and like 40% involve truth serum somehow. Here's another one, while I work through the writer's block I'm experiencing with my other fic.





	The World Was On Fire

It was 2am when Remus Lupin entered his flat, and he truly wished he could fall into bed immediately and never leave it again. There wasn't an inch of his body that wasn't tired or sore or both, and worse was he knew he probably had less than 24 hours before he was off again on another assignment. 

 

He hoped, at the very least, he could avoid his flat mate and dear friend, Sirius Black, until morning. Most of the time, recently, they were like trains passing in the night, barely aware or acknowledging that the other occupied the same space. When they were both in the flat in the same room at the same time, it was tense. Neither of them sure what they could say in the other's presence, not sure what each of them knew. Remus didn't think he could take the feeling of suspicion that sometimes surrounded Sirius in an aura, that might be directed at him tonight.

 

Soon after he stepped through the door his hopes were dashed, as he heard several loud thunks from the kitchen, and “bugger, bugger shit fuck” in a slurred voice.

 

Walking into the kitchen- limping, more like- Remus was presented with his old friend and a chair both toppled onto the floor. Sirius groaned and cracked open his eyes only for them to land on Remus immediately. 

 

“Oh, Moons, woke you up, did I? Din mean to. G'back t'bed.” Sirius didn't enunciate and his eyes were straining to focus like he was seeing more than one werewolf in the kitchen. 

 

“I'm only just getting home,” Remus didn't know what to say to the idiot lying on the floor, so he settled for stating the obvious. “You're drunk.”

 

He was absolutely plastered. Remus felt resentment bubble up in his chest. They were fighting a bloody war and Sirius thought he should go and get pissed. Besides the risk he posed endangering everything they were fighting for, the lack of self-preservation had Remus quietly seething. 

 

“Yeah! Dumbledore thought it would be a great idea, to get sloshed, the old bastard. Not that Dumbles got sloshed. No one'll pay attention to th’ words comin’ out of my mouf if I'm shitfaced, he said. Course, Dumbledore din say shitfaced.”

 

Bloody Christ, Dumbledore was responsible for this inebriation? Remus’ anger was easy to redirect, and he attempted to help his friend up off the floor. 

 

“And Dumbledore dropped you off, without anyone here to make sure you didn't choke on your own vomit.” It was one thing for Dumbledore to send Remus out on missions without much regard for his safety; it was unacceptable of him to treat Sirius Black like- like he was expendable, he thought viciously. He was composing the howler in his head already, though he knew he would never send it. There's a war on, there's no time for howlers. 

 

“There's a war on, Moony.” Sirius said, echoing his train of thought. “Figured I could wait out the very-sum. Verisum. Truth serum, here, and lay low. Don't need Dumbles to babysit. Bugger, was trying not to mention that.” Bugger fuck, Remus thought, Sirius had Veritaserum in his system?

 

Oh, oh. Remus wished to be anywhere but near a Veritaserum-dosed Sirius in this moment. That sort of vulnerability was contagious when it came to Sirius Black, and Remus already hated all the secrecy and suspicion that war demanded. He wished he had the excuse of a potion to tell his friend everything on a good night, every successful mission and all of his hopes and fears about the next one; he didn't have the strength tonight- or this morning, whichever it was- to keep from succumbing to a Sirius that was so wholly unguarded. 

 

“Hate th’ war. Hate the missions he sends me on, hate my family, hate prending, pretending I'm anything like them. Greater fucking good, it's all your fault.” 

 

Remus maneuvered him from the floor onto the righted chair. “What is my fault?”

 

“Ugh. _Ugh._ Moony, why do have to go an’ ask questions? It's all your fault, you and your great good. I would kill for you. I could kill and die, just be done with it, go after what's-his-name and get took-taken out by cousin Trixi, and be a hero. But I can't, cuz then where would Moony be?”

 

Sirius paused. “Moony? Moony, where are you?”

 

“I'm right here, Padfoot.” Remus had sat on a chair not three feet away to take off his shoes. He didn't want to think carefully about what Sirius was saying, didn't want to analyze every word as his own eyelids felt like heavy weights. 

 

“Moony. I would kill for you.” And God, if hearing that again didn't send shivers down his spine. 

 

“I'd never ask it of you. Come on, you should sleep this off.” He supported his friend with an arm around his waist to bring them in the direction of Sirius’ room. 

 

“Yeah, that's why. You wouldn't ask, not in a billion, zillion years, cuz you love me. And that's why I would do it.”

 

Remus wanted to throw up, to cry, to hit something, but he didn't have the energy to do anything but continue walking Sirius into his room. He didn't want to wonder how long Sirius knew and had kept it to himself to save them both the embarrassment. The rejection tasted like the blood that seeped into his mouth from his split lip. He dropped Sirius onto the bed, more like shoved him off himself, and immediately he missed the touch. 

 

“It's the worst thing, being loved by you,” Remus felt like screaming at him to shut up, but it was almost a relief to hear confirmed what he always knew. “Nothing is safe, Moons. Constant vigilance! Can't do that, though, can I?”

 

Remus heard his friend’s voice get wet and afraid. “Being loved by you is too safe. Safer than Gringotts. Can't be like that when I gotta check James for Imperius and- and, bugger, potion that makes you look like someone else.”

 

“Polyjuice.” Remus replied automatically, feet rooted to the spot on the floor, partly from exhaustion and partly out of shock at the turn this conversation, monologue really, was taking. 

 

“Could be so careless, Moony. There's a war on, and you go ahead and love me. Can't kill for you, can't die for you. But I would. Love you. But I'm scared. If you knew I loved you, then I'd be reckless. I'd forget there was a war on, because Moony loves me.”

 

Remus was tired, bruised, and he'd been broken long before the war. This man who had just passed out in bed after saying he would love him, the same man who had kept these broken pieces transfigured into something resembling a person for so long. There was a war on, and Remus curled next to his sleeping friend, pulling the blankets over them both. There was a war on, and Remus silently let tears soak the pillow under his head. 

 

Remus loved, and he feared, and there was a war on.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song Wicked Game that has been on the radio all the time lately and making me sad.
> 
> Something about wolfstar is just so cathartic to write.


End file.
